Spring Rain

When I lived in Mexico, I made a small poster for my wall that read "Mexico is so loud" and listed the many daily cacophonies of that place. I love San Miguel, but damn.....loudness.

Lately, with the birth of Spring, South Philly also has become very noisy.....it is stoop sittin' weather, so everyone who stayed inside during our winter that wasn't is now outside. Outside in Philly sounds like: trucks and cars, police helicopters, people yelling at each other (in a seemingly amicable way), kids screeching on bikes and shooting each other with toy guns, horns blasting from Broad Street; in general, the city has woken up with the season.

The trees are blooming and so is the neighborhood. I live in the Newbold neighborhood of South Philly: very close to the stadiums and just off the busy-ness of Broad Street. Cars come peeling by at all hours, and everyone seems excited that the sun is back.

Today, though, it is raining and mostly quiet. I am reminded of Steve Nieve's album "Windows" from a few years ago....I wish I could post some tracks here but only have the album and there seem to be no videos!

Look On Down From the Bridge

Mazzy Star is my band for rainy days: always has been. I remember listening to them years ago, as a freshman in high school, on cool wintery days in Texas, and now on my stoop in Philadelphia.

I've Been Let Down

Be My Angel....my favorite

Late Night, Heavy with Spring Mix Tape

MIA - "Bad Girls"

Good girls go to heaven....bad girls go wherever the hell they want!!!

Queen - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"

The Beach Boys - "God Only Knows"

Blur - "Tender"

Ladytron - "True Mathematics"

The Vaselines - "Bitch"

Annie Lennox - "Money Can't Buy It"

Beach House - "Take Care"

The Cars - "Double Life"

U2 - "Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around the World"

M. Ward - "Let's Dance"

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

--- Rudyard Kipling

A Philadelphia Traffic Court Misadventure....

Today at 1 p.m., I had my first traffic court trial. Having been blessed with good common sense when it relates to driving, I have not gotten many tickets in my life. In fact, actually, this was the first moving violation. Parking tickets and myself, here in Philly, are an entirely different story and I actually think that the Phila Parking Authority is now looking to ticket my car whenever possible.

But I digress.

Today I was lucky to be allowed to leave work early and go to traffic court on 8th Street and Spring Garden. Conveniently, there are some capitalistic upstarts who have turned a vacant lot across the street into a $5 Traffic Court parking lot. Luckily that lucky five dollar bill came in handy.

I walked in and saw metal detectors: very similar ones to the ones you find in airports. There was a gruff police officer who looked at me and said: "keys! cell phones! change!". I looked at him as if to say, "are you kidding? I have two cell phones, two sets of keys and who knows how much change. I am so tired I am hoping I actually stay awake during this process...." Luckily for me came another police officer who, sensing my duress, said "just put it all on the conveyor belt. We're going to see what you got anyway."

I followed his instructions, went through the metal detector, and walked over to Impound Court because Courtroom C was closed. Impound Court is an exciting place full of colorful characters who have all had their cars impounded due to various indiscretions. It was amazing to see how many people were there and who were so angry that they had made series of bad decisions and neglected to take care of business, but were now willing to pay hundreds of dollars to get their cars back.

Due to the sheer amount of people in court that day, those of us who were supposed to be in Courtroom C were moved to Courtroom B to speed the process along. Courtroom B was where it got interesting because there was a judge and bailiffs and a colorful painting of the Pennsylvania state seal. The judge had a funny sense of humor and clearly loved being the center of attention and broadcasting everyone's bad deeds to everyone else in the room.

I heard a man explain that he hadn't caused an accident, but that the rain had caused the accident. Another man explained that he had driven the wrong way down a street because his girlfriend was in a rush and put pressure on him. Someone from the peanut gallery said as loud as possible, "They fuckin' robbin' us blind". The bailiffs got angry and told everyone if we wanted to talk to do so outside.

In a very short amount of time, I was called up to the stand and brought my bag with laptop, cell phones, etc. as well as my knitting bag up to the bench. I had been knitting for about an hour in the various trial spaces and thinking, "I wonder how many people knit in traffic court?". The judge asked me how I pleaded and I said "not guilty." Hereto follows the exchange of hilarity that is, generally, my experience when I meet random people in Philadelphia who choose to impart their humorous but sarcastic belief system about their city to me:

"Why do you have Texas plates?"

"Because I just moved here from Texas, from Austin, Texas."

"Why did you do that?"

"I wanted to teach in the big city, so here I am."

"Why did you do that? Don't you watch the news?"

"Well....let me tell you, teaching here is really hard, but I love the kids, so it's ok."

"What grade do you teach?"

"6th and 7th! Science...."

"Are you nuts? That's the worst!"

"Well, like I said, I love the kids, so....."

He turns to his assistant, "I am telling you, there is a calling for young teachers. Tell you what, I am going to cut you a break. Dismissed."

"Thank you sir."

And off I went into a glorious spring-summer day, and went home, and took a nap. Now it is so warm in my bedroom I need a fan.

Springtime in Philthy....

in·dig·na·tion/ˌindigˈnāSHən/

 

 Pamir, Afghanistan --- 

I would like to be here, today, with some rose petal jam and bread and some good company....by the time I am old, I will have been everywhere I want to visit.

 

 Spring has sprung here in Philadelphia....the sun is shining, the light is strong and long, and thoughts of gardening are swimming through my mind. I am lucky and have a share in a community garden in my neighborhood, and am very excited that, finally,  I will be able to start planting! 

 

 My vegetable garden in Austin....I miss my old house...

 

I cannot tell you how my disconnection from gardening whilst living here has disrupted my mood and sense of self. 

 

 I am feeling very indignant due to some situations that are happening that I cannot mention here, in the public sphere that is blogging. I have chosen to channel that indignation and resentment into gardening and silver- and gold-smithing. I have some seeds, some soil, and a new commission!

 

 Me gusta mis jitomates!!!! 

 

 It feels, somehow, as if something has shifted here....either I have passed the point of no return, or it's as simple as the Sun has come back. I had no idea how I would be effected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, being that this is my first real experience of Northern winter...I am so used to sunshine all the time that I am not quite sure how to deal with it when it disappears. 

 

I think that Philly especially emphasizes the malaise of winter because everything here is hard: stone, brick, no sun, all shade and grit. I went to work in the dark, and I left work in the dark, and never go outside for anything.

 

 Last year, during lunch and during my prep period, I would work on native landscaping my school's grounds. I planted plants, sowed seeds, weeded, and pruned trees. Here in Philly, I constantly joke (with sadness in my heart) that there are no trees, no plants, not a lot of nature anywhere. 

 

 At the apex of Perpendicular Trail, Acadia National Park....

 

 It has been a transition, bien sur! A transition that has made me aware of those environmental aspects that I need in my life for my own personal happiness. 

 

 The same veggie garden at the Haney House, East Austin

 

 So.....Moore Street Community Garden

- lettuce

- arugula

- basil

- green beans

- peas

- kohlrabi

- tomatoes

- collard greens

- bok choy

- flowers!!!

And a new jewelry commission to make meat cleavers out of silver......

 

 

Hamilton Pond, off Route 3...Mount Desert Island 

 

 There is a tipping point in experience, when you realize you finally moved past this hurdle you couldn't even identify, it was so hidden in the murk of your thoughts. Once I crossed that hurdle, identified it, saw it, and was able to step back and take a breath and say, "there you are!", nothing much is bothering me right now. In the moment, yes, but if I write about it, go to the studio and heat up some silver with an oxy-acetylene torch, make something with my two hands, choose seeds and think about how they will grow and change, read a book....I realize that all of this is transitory...time passes by so fast! If you don't stop to take a look around once in a while, or you might miss it....

 

 Me, in England, with my Grandpa, at breakfast....almost 25 years ago...

 

I just started looking at the Tao Te Ching again, after many months of leaving it to gather dust on the shelf. I love this book, and especially my edition of it. I constantly read its passages and think about how they relate to my life. This one was the one that flipped open yesterday:

 

FORTY-EIGHT
In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.
In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.

Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

The world is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.

Saturday Night....

February is almost over!!! How did that happen? The days, they go by so fast.....

This morning, I am inspired. I have been in a nasty funk for the last two weeks; I can't explain it exactly, but that it left me annoyed and sometimes, even angry (not a typical state of mind for me). Something happened last night, when I decided to finally decorate the office room that has stagnated now for eight months...

The poop-brown walls still leave something cavernous to be desired; if I had my way, I'd paint this room a couple of shades of pink (I think it wants to be pink, somehow). It is, however, leaps and bounds better than it was.

Soon, I will begin to pack up this house, as the lease is ending and I am headed to points North for the summer, but before that happens, I wish to photograph it in detail. This house has many nooks and crannies that I have paid attention to and cultivated. I have very little understanding, however, of how to shoot interiors, so I am hoping someone comes along to help me.

This morning, I received my weekly Brainpickings.org mailing, and opened this only to realize it was exactly what I needed to read midway through my Sunday...

Clearly, I need to buy Henry Miller on Writing. Also, clearly, I have a bibliophiliac addiction....I need someone to come around who will supply me with books. I seriously could spend all my extra money on them. This book brings my ever-building Amazon shopping cart to twelve items, all absolutely integral to my present and future life.

Another gem provided by Mr. Miller in his book is the Daily Program:

"        MORNINGS:
          If groggy, type notes and allocate, as stimulus.

If in fine fettle, write.
AFTERNOONS:
Work of section in hand, following plan of section scrupulously. No intrusions, no diversions. Write to finish one section at a time, for good and all.
EVENINGS:
See friends. Read in cafés.
Explore unfamiliar sections — on foot if wet, on bicycle if dry.
Write, if in mood, but only on Minor program.
Paint if empty or tired.
Make Notes. Make Charts, Plans. Make corrections of MS.
Note: Allow sufficient time during daylight to make an occasional visit to museums or an occasional sketch or an occasional bike ride. Sketch in cafés and trains and streets. Cut the movies! Library for references once a week."

 Taken from a traincar window in Jim Thorpe - Fall 2011

Last night, I spent the night in a very intense, introspective mood. I had been invited out by a couple of people, but felt a little under the weather, and so I stayed in. I dug out a white folder full of ephemera, dumped all the pieces onto a table, and went to work taping and arranging the pieces onto the walls of the office. I uploaded photos that had been sitting on my camera for months. I thought about what will come over the next few months, and all the changes that are already happening. Something switched from the frustration to acceptance, which I hope will begin to switch to joy sometime soon.

Sometimes, all we need is a night of time spent alone, with artwork, with music, with thoughts.

 Apple picking in the fall

 Ladybird, ladybird fly away home, 

Your house is on fire and your children are gone, 

All except one, 

And her name is Ann, 

And she hid under the baking pan.

 I want to sleep here: at the Mercer Museum

 Winter colours: mustard, white, burgundy; Maine, Winter 2011

 Rather like a natural ombre, no?

 I love the combination of ice, rocks and bare winter trees

 When I walk out here, I pretend that the beach belongs only to me (and whoever I am with!): it is a magical place and has been for as long as my family has been here

Ironstone, snow, ice

This week, we transition into March. March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb: spring begins, gardens are planted, the Sun returns. We may even feel some warmth by the end of this month! Soon comes spring break, then April will, no doubt, fly by. Then Mexico, then the end of school.........and then????

Writing

Reading

Walking

Gardening

Jewelry-making

Teaching

Traveling

Beach House - A Walk in the Park

Putting Myself Fully Into It

"I realized I could make my life into anything I wanted, that I could 

choose my reality. That was when I put myself fully into this, that I 

decided to just go and see what happened, nothing else mattered."

- Mikael Kennedy

Yosemite HD from Project Yosemite on Vimeo.

This video is breathtaking. Many years ago now, at the humble age of nineteen, I went on a two-month-long road trip out west with my boyfriend at the time. We spent all summer camping and climbing around the western part of the United States. We stayed in almost every national park from New Mexico to Washington, and stayed more outside than inside the walls of cheap hotels. We stopped in Yosemite for a couple of days on our way to drive the PCH north to Oregon. I remember camping in a beautiful little campground with lots of families. The sky was such a bright, deep blue it hurt your eyes. There was wildly coloured, flourescent green moss that grew all over the trees.

I have had to admit, lately, that I am not a city person. Becoming comfortable with the fact that I am a privileged woman who has had amazing opportunities come her way, and has always lived in beautiful places, has taken some time. I thought that, at least, I would try out city living and probably really like it. But the truth is, I really, really don't. I think my choices have to be: suburbs, small town/city, or country. I really need the trees, the dirt, grass, flowers, birds, squirrels, and space.

Today I spent the day at my friend's mom's house in the suburbs, in a town called Radnor. (Interesting fact: Radnor High School is the high school that Grease is based on!) I am so lucky to have the wonderful friends here that I do: to be adopted by three such lovely people....I don't know what I would have done had I not become friends with them! I feel like they are my Philly family....Anyway: Radnor is soooo beautiful: one of those old, east-coast suburban towns where all the houses are different and the countryside is amazingly sculpted to look organic when you know that someone pored over city planning documents for years to just get it right. We spent all day lounging in the living room, lesson planning and watching hockey. It made me so happy to look out the window and see leaves on the ground and a grove of winter-y trees.

This is what makes me happy! Surroundings that are beautiful and tranquil.

On that same trip out west twelve years ago, my favorite spot of the whole trip was Olympic National Park. We camped and backpacked there. There were ancient forests and giant banana slugs. There were cairns all over the beaches, and we saw a sea lion just lounging on the beach! We made campfires in washed up, giant logs, and played with tiny, red-orange crabs. We peered at anemones, and stared up at craggy, damp trees. We stood on the edge of a rushing river: its water bright, pure grey with the dust of rocks broken by the glaciers settled in the mountains above. The gravel-y ground was dark black, volcanic stone. The day was so damp, in that cool rainforest, that, just above our heads floated small tufts of cloud. The scene was deep green with trees, black with sand, grey with water, white with clouds. It was, still, the most beautiful place I have ever been. I will never forget it.

Change is afoot.....I have about two weeks to make it happen.

I have decided to make this my motto for a time "Putting Myself Fully Into It"

Side note: last week sometime, one of my students said: "Miss? Do you know what we used to think about you?" I said, "No....what was it?"He said, "That you are a mermaid!". I said, "A mermaid? Why would you think that?". "Well," he said, "you know! You always talk about the ocean and stuff and you have all this weird stuff around, and so we just thought you were a mermaid. But now we know you are just a teacher!"

So part of Putting Myself Fully Into It is to remember that magic happens. Sometimes the path that is before you can change in the blink of an eye, if you have the sense of responsibility to do what needs to be done to make the path reach the end. If you have the sense of belief that good things DO happen, if you think that you deserve happiness and that all the other things will just fall into place.

Putting Myself Fully Into It is remembering that, to some people, the people that really matter, the people whose lives I am truly dedicated to, I am a mermaid. A magical lady who lives in the ocean, with beautiful songs to sing to many, many, different kinds of people.

And so....there you are.

This is important for me to remember......

This is my current theme song....a song to carry me through

Luck

Lately, I have been helping my friend Allison set up her new studio in Philadelphia! Located on Pine Street, otherwise known as my favorite street in Philly, this new-to-her studio used to be a painter's studio and comes with much love and history. I am so excited that she is letting me work there and have an interim studio space in the city.

Allison used to have the gallery Zuzu, in Collingswood, New Jersey, but now Zuzu is moving!!! Come to see us soon....I am happy to report that more jewelry will be appearing soon....

Many changes are on the horizon. I am filling out my FAFSA as we speak, the summer is shaping up beautifully, as is the fall!

2012......is looking bright