Friday, May 11, 2012

A Quarter Century Number of Days......

Good Morning - The Dandy Warhols

or....good evening.

I am gazing around my living room and kitchen and mulling over the facts: I am moving away from this house in about two weeks AND I did this, very similarly, a year ago. Now, a year ago, I took everything with me. This year, I am taking very little with me. This year, I am happier to shed extras and focus on only the things that I really love, versus bringing everything I own across state lines un otra vez.

Having just posted several items on Craigslist, I am still sitting, a bit paralyzed, on my brown leather couch. My couch is very comfortable to sit and sleep on. I bought it several years ago after selling my house, when I moved into my tiny house in Hyde Park, in Austin. When I bought this couch, my cat, Fawkes, escaped through the front door as my friends moved the couch inside. He disappeared into an autumn evening, and later, via microchip, he came back, only to disappear, finally, one more time. Fawkes was a wonderful Russian Blue cat: he was great, but not meant to be mine in the tiny house.

Next to my couch are two pinyon pine bookcases that I designed, had built, and bought with my first paycheck from IBM. In 2005, I worked as an event planner for IBM. I hated my job with a deeply burning passion. I traveled extensively: more than three weeks per month, on average, I was out of town. As I traveled, I began to forget where I was because I had been in so many airports: sometimes three or four in a week. I began to resent the various hotel rooms and became used to having dinner alone in strange, alienating hotel restaurants. I cultivated a favorite glass of wine that I could find at most places that I landed in on random Thursday or Friday afternoons. All hotels frequented by business travelers such as I smelled the same: like bleach, and chemicalized cleaning products, and over-starched sheets, and stale cigarette smoke that seemed to be a leftover from fifteen years ago, when smoking was still allowed inside. These hotels also smelled like chlorine and fertilizer, like the hard water used to water the banal tropical plants that decorate all of the atriums.

The last piece on the Reflection on My Objects Tour (for the moment, anyway) is my twig mirror frame from Anthropologie. This mirror frame is made of organically shaped pieces of pine that are fastened together in a beautiful and soothing way. I hung my grandparents' mirror on to the mirror frame, because this mirror frame never actually received glass. It has been in my homes for years, first The Haney House, then The Casita, now the Rosewood or Leaning House, sitting, waiting for mirror glass, waiting in vain. I love its sculptural qualities, but it, also, just contains stories and is, ultimately, unimportant.

Rivers and Tides - Andy Goldsworthy

These pieces of furniture are all, soon, being sold off: changing owners. Hopefully whoever takes these pieces will love them as much as I did.

It is funny how the process of getting rid of massive quantities of the furniture and clothes and books and etcetera that has followed you for years makes you feel light, airy, and, as if these decisions are the right ones. After a year of realizations, epiphanies, discoveries, hardships, life in a crazy city, dealing with the noise of people through walls, break-ins, challenging students, collapsing ceilings, hurricanes, earthquakes, trusting new friends, moving away from old friends, and having friends move away from me, for the first time in my life, I know that no matter what happens, I will always be okay. I trust in me. I trust in people, and I trust and know that love really is everything.

There was a time in December where I realized that all I had in life was the love I had for others and from others. And that has informed how I have lived since then. I have made some selfish decisions, decisions that I felt like I had to make to keep marching on, but my focus has been to let everyone in my life know how much I care for them. If I was to say what is the most important aspect of my life at this moment it is to spend more time with people, and to be open to the possibilities despite past experiences or disappointments.

So....let it be known, to myself and others who I love....I promise from now on to focus on people, on friends and loved ones, and to hold true to my realizations, to follow my heart.

Tonight is Friday night....instead of going out, I am staying in, looking around, making lists, and becoming lighter.

Busby Berkeley - Dance Until The Dawn 1931

1. Having lunch with students and talking about their thoughts.
2. Watching students' eyes light up when they see wonderful websites like that World Sunlight Map.
3. Having a calm end to the day with the crazy boys in my last period class.
4. A student who had a very rough morning and was very angry coming up to me at the end of the day, apologizing, and giving me a hug.
5. Teacher Appreciation Day notes that told me how the students like that I laugh instead of get mad, that I am trustworthy and honest, that I am "corny", that I make jokes, and that I keep trying no matter what happens...

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